apology

i want to say

to all of you who read this blog

i apologize

for my sink into sadness

this autumn.

 my day job, 

teaching high school emotionally disturbed kids has become harder

 than ever before, 

and i've complained

about the 11 students, 

11 different schedules, 

7 with multiple mental illness diagnoses.

but this week two of them have gone to other programming

one with huge sadness,

and two disappeared off the radar

one returned.

this is how it is.

 i commute lately on very bumpy backroads.

they bring me closer to the comfort of earth mother

and sometimes i see things

like the wind harvesting milkweed seeds,

high hedges taking root,

brilliant sun splitting through clouds.

 what i am thinking about today is this stuff

milkweed.

i want to go out and harvest stalks and brew pulp.

and i may.

this week drew matott has volunteered to come to my school

to make pulp paintings with our kids

and i am so very grateful.

 as the october winds play with these seeds

i will try to be present to the beauty

of healing with pulp painting.

 i will try to remember that i have

a place in this landscape

and a purpose: to mother, to teach, to make art, to be a friend.

 i look at these miracles

milkweed and goldenrod

and yes, there is still a flower or two to be found,

and rose leaves i saw this morning,

and this changing, 

may i,

may you 

embrace it as right and good.

may we all find a still center

if only for a little while 

each

day.